My Side of the Story - Part 2

 

Mom’s memory brought all kinds of memories to mind, and I need to get this stuff off my chest. Basically, if you’ve read the first part, then you’ve read about what turned out to be symptomatic of a two-part problem. Since then, a few more pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

Sometime back, we all caught a whole lot of misery from the Myst fandom, with little to no apparent explanation. Eventually, we found out a good bit of what happened.

Long story short, we found out that some of Dad’s closest relatives were behind so much more of the trouble we endured than we’d thought, both online and in the real world.

Essentially, the bulk of the problems that began when Dad’s father stopped a theft at a naval base would have faded away long ago, if it were not for Dad‘s hypocritical relations. 

It turns out that one of his parents, both of my uncles, at least one aunt, and several cousins were actively slandering Dad because somebody injured him when he was a tiny baby. The truth came out when the doctors started asking questions when Dad collapsed, nearly dead, in 2004.
Basically, someone severely injured his insides when he was less than three months old. According to the doctors, no matter how it happened, that injury would have bled for a long time afterward. It would been impossible for any caretakers to miss the damage.
Actually, one uncle was a bit shocked. “But I thought you had healed long ago!”, he said to Dad when he visited him in the hospital.
One doctor was literally shaking with anger when he told Mom. As a result, the surgeon in charge of Dad’s care started vetting who was allowed near Dad and actually set guards who backed Mom up. They advised Mom to be extremely careful about who was allowed near him while Dad healed up. Mom was of course approved right away, and so were William, Grandma Anne, and I (all people who did not hurt Dad). However, the staff kept a tight eye on any other biologically-related visitors.

For a long time prior to that horrible day in 2004, Dad’s closest relatives kept calling him all kinds of horrible names. They called him lazy, but he may have tried the hardest of them all. They called him a hypochondriac whenever he had trouble, but it turns out he was more stoic than any of his siblings.
As for calling him crazy, they just didn’t want anybody to believe him whenever his body was about to break down. He’s easily the sanest, bravest, and kindest of the lot. Mom says she got the best of those brothers. :)

Years before any of us knew any of this, however, we thought their hostility was just a case of us needing to prove ourselves. That’s often how they couched the abuse.
For a long time, we all held out hope that we might finally be accepted if we found out just what these jerks wanted. Now? We know there was no win condition for those games. Not for us. Not for anyone. Not even for them. People like them are never satisfied.

How does all this connect to Mom’s time in the Myst fandom? Here’s how.

Many years back, Dad and his siblings were required to bring their spouses and children to the annual Christmas gathering. My folks and I dreaded these events because we knew we were in for so much grief.
Every time we went, Dad, Mom, William, and I were told repeatedly that everyone would have been better off if we’d never been born and that we didn’t “deserve” anything, not even the food EVERYONE ELSE was invited to eat, not even the presents specially sent FOR US, or even the fruits of our own labor. One year, one of my cousins actually took away my things right in front of me, saying that I “didn’t deserve them”. Her mother actually APPROVED her greedy behavior. (Mom and Dad were able to get some of the stuff back) My cousins kept trying to make me and my then toddler brother (who was adorable and sweet) William cry.

No matter what gifts we brought, we were chewed out for it. Handmade? “That’s so cheap! Why wasn’t it store-bought!?” Store-bought and actually pretty valuable? “You didn’t put ANY thought or heart in to this. It’s not expensive enough! Why isn’t it handmade?!” Many of the handmade things took Mom MONTHS to make (they were things like ornate embroideries and carefully painted objects). It took Mom and Dad MONTHS to save for the store-bought presents. We did our best, but it was never enough.

One year, Mom tried something new, something that would have gone over well in most families back then.
Mom saved up and bought several of them each a copy of Myst. It was still fairly recent, she loved the game, and Mom hoped they’d have as much fun playing it as she’d had.

Unfortunately, they decided to be nasty to us all again. Poor Mom got the whole “It isn’t good enough!!” spiel. They talked about how they’d just throw the games away or sell them… before going back to bullying us and each other.

Eventually, Dad put his foot down, saying that if all they were going to do is bully and threaten then we did NOT need to be there. Finally, his dad agreed. We found out later that their holiday gatherings broke up from then on. I shouldn’t be surprised since those lunatics also frequently bullied each other, if we were not present.

Before we faced that’s how they are, we’d tried to win them over. We hoped that if they got to know us, they’d understand that we’re actually pretty friendly. Every time we invited them to one of our celebrations, they’d either refused to come or worse, came by and acted like a bunch of malicious drama llamas. We’d honestly hoped that if we were patient, love would win, but not in this case. There’s no seeing eye to eye with someone determined to devalue you.

Ever afterward, we’ve avoided those relatives as much as possible over the years (except for Dad’s parents), thinking that would solve the problem. We honestly thought they just didn’t want us around, because we were also told to stay away whenever they couldn’t have one of their abuse-fests without looking bad. As a result, they never got to know us at all.

We didn’t know these horrible people chose to lie in wait for Mom to appear in the Myst fandom. These ingrates used something Mom loved that she shared with them to hurt her. God will help me forgive them, but I am not going to forget it.

It took time for us to take in just how bad the situation really was.

As a result, what happened later was a shock.

Fast forward a few years.

Mom entered the Myst community for the first time in the summer of 2000. At first, things went okay. Then, a few months in, people warned her, saying they were hearing weirdness from people claiming to be related to us. (that line often warns us that Dad’s insane relatives have been by)

People let us know Dad’s creepy relatives were slandering us. Unfortunately, there was a LOT of evidence to back that claim.

The evidence included finding a username used to hassle Mom that went straight back to where one aunt worked and one cousin went to school. Later, the two jerks admitted to it… before trying to gaslight Mom and me into thinking they hadn’t done anything wrong.

We’d all found what looked like one or more of the relatives pretending to be Mom, Dad, or me on multiple occasions. On closer inspection, we even could tell who it was in many cases.

I mention this because early on, people were acting as though Mom had been online at times when everybody here knew she hadn’t been and because we later found other cases where someone impersonated one or more of us to cause trouble. It looked as though someone had been picking fights in her name. At this point, you can probably tell what I’m wondering.

Another piece of evidence was the contents of the so-called Vault. Remember, I mentioned in an earlier blog a folder full of lies? Both it and the contents of the Vault were roughly the same thing, as far as we could tell.
Eventually Dad found out that both turned out to be little more a than a compilation of the crazy relations’ delusions.

This is why none of us were impressed by the Vault. It was not a trump card. It only held stuff that could get its holders into serious trouble with the law. (eventually that stupid folder got the guy carting it around into trouble with the cops. It held things only the cops were supposed to have as well as a ton of easily disprovable lies about Dad and other people). Losing that thing was the best thing that could have happened for its “keepers”.

Basically, our tormentors’ “proof”… was their slander. Easily disproven slander, at that.

The final proof came when one of the relatives told people that Mom was somehow “stupid” for having given them the game in the first place. Just, yuck.

It was the same horrible stuff those nutty relations did locally. Same mess, another day, as it were.

Dad kept losing jobs because his brothers had been going around to his jobs and falsely accusing him of some truly evil things. People alerted Dad to their treachery.

Mom and I would think we found folks to hang out with. Churches, community events, you name it, we’d be okay for a little while, until suddenly somebody would announce that they’d HEARD about us, often citing said delusional relations as their source, or someone who’d been talking to those delusional nuts. The reason was usually that one of the relatives, usually one of my crazy uncles or aunts had lied about Dad and us AGAIN.

There is something I need to point out. One uncle in particular likes to accuse other people of having his bad habits.
He likes to accuse people of lying, and he doesn’t seem to be able tell the truth. Seriously, we found this out the hard way. He claimed he wasn’t visiting our home town, but then bragged about hunting nearby. We’ve actually seen him in the neighborhood many times too. He’d claim he’d done something only to say that “he’ll get around to it.” He never does, unless there are consequences waiting.

He likes to accuse people of being drunkards, but he’s lost his license before because he caused a horrible accident while drunk driving. Not to mention, no matter what’s going on, he is always drinking something alcoholic. ALWAYS. The worst part is he gets nastier whenever he drinks. He starts threatening people, making MORE nasty remarks, and if he gets drunk enough… Let’s just say the booze does nothing to help his attitude.

He accuses people of theft, but we found out fast we can’t trust him anywhere near Dad’s belongings. This uncle and his girlfriend are not allowed into the garage or the house, because of a few past incidents.

This is the same uncle who growled that Dad didn’t “deserve” or “need” to know what had happened to him after the doctors revealed the truth. He said, “Nobody was supposed to tell you anything!”

This has been an ongoing problem. The crazies have made a bad habit out of picking fights and lying about us all for as long as any of us can remember. They have told themselves that we’re somehow subhuman and don’t “deserve” basic human rights like life, health, happiness, the fruits of our labor, or even our own innate talents. All because someone hurt a little baby and blamed the injured baby.

There was also a financial incentive to the madness too. Someone kept trying to frame Dad and had gotten Grandfather to promise to cut Dad out of the will if he was ever convicted of anything. Dad did NOT deserve this. He’s easily one of the cleanest living people I know.

As long as we’re trying to be the best people we can be with God’s help, then YES, we do deserve happiness. We deserve to enjoy life and not be falsely accused by crazy people. We deserve peace and fellowship. We deserve respect and kindness. We do not deserve to be abused over someone else’s guilty conscience.

On a more positive note, more and more people have been seeing through our would-be tormentors. We’ve also been seeing indications that other people are telling them no whenever the lunatics try to cause trouble.

Life is finally calming down, at least a little.
In recent years, there have even been indications that people are telling them to stop being so nasty to us and to each other.

Looking back, it becomes evident that God had our backs. I am also grateful for the surgeon and his colleagues who saved Dad’s life and helped us understand something no-one else could or would explain. I am also grateful to God for the various books and other resources that helped us understand what we were facing and how to move past it.

All storms end, and I can finally see the sunlight poking through the clouds of this one.

Of Indigo and Irixes

 

I’m not sure why, but lately, a neat memory has been coming back to mind a lot.

 When Mom and Dad were in college and I was a small child, I sometimes went to class with them. Usually, when one of them had class, the other stayed home with me. Sometimes, though, they both needed to go to class at the same time. I really liked it when they took me along, especially when we stopped by the library or the computer lab.

During one of those days, Mom stopped by the campus computer lab. Some of you may well remember Mom recounting the first time she saw Myst. This happened in the same lab.

The lab in particular was a fascinating place. The people in the lab were nice folks, and their various projects were absolutely fascinating, even to a five year old. I wasn’t as into the business software, and I didn’t entirely understand the server training they had going on, but I loved it whenever they experimented with computer graphics. Sometimes, they wrote their own software for it, sometimes, they used pre-made software. It was all amazing to watch.

One day, Mom and I visited shortly after the lab had gotten a shipment of new workstations. A few blue and purple cases popped out in the sea of beige boxes. At the time, the guys were mostly getting comfortable with the CG software on them. Their big frustration, as they told it to Mom, was that they couldn’t get Myst to run on these particular computers. (They felt such powerful machines needed more games. lol)

While they were talking, a student who had just been introduced to these workstations entered the room and joined in. “I don’t even want to touch the mouse, or even walk NEAR these computers!” she shuddered. She was convinced that something would go horribly wrong if she went anywhere near them. What made this belief odd was that she was apparently really good at running other workstations, especially anything Unix-based.

Her fear came from the knowledge that these computers were the college’s very first SGI workstations. The college was considering adding them to the curriculum. A group of students was tasked with putting these amazing computers through their paces.

This girl was part of that assigned group. She hadn’t been taking part in the tests because she was afraid of possibly bricking one of the workstations.

The leader of the group sighed, “I’ve told you once, I’ve told a thousand times, it’s not easy to damage those computers with something like a mis-click.” The leader looked over at Mom and me, and had an idea. “That OS is so straight forward, a child could run it. If this little girl can use safely one, will you at least give it a try?”

Other students had wandered up during the discussion. At the leader’s challenge, they started buzzing. She yelped, “You really want a little kid to run one of those?!”

He nodded.

Another guy emerged from the back of the lab grinning, “It’s a great idea! We can add this test to the report. Besides, I needed to take a few minutes break anyway” (He’d been sussing out one of the older workstations and the task had been had been driving him crazy)

Other people nodded.

The leader turned to Mom to ask permission. “Is your daughter familiar with computers?” Mom replied, “Well, she uses some educational software at home. How well will that translate to running a workstation?”

He nodded, “Well enough!”

“Okay, then.”

There were at least three SGI workstations in the lab, one Indigo2 and two Indys. Ultimately, it was decided that I’d run one of the Indys. (The guy who’d come from the back of the lab wanted me to run the Indigo2, but he was out-voted)

I was so nervous because of how uncomfortable that one lady was. She was an expert and I was a little kid! However, everybody else encouraged me to give it a try.
The leader of the testing group pulled up the getting started tutorial. He was right; it was pretty easy to run. The tutorial made complete sense, and so did the layout. (I also really liked the aesthetics used for the tutorial)

One thing that surprised me was that it ran slightly slower than the computer Mom and Dad used for school. (…or so I’d thought. I found out later that although Indys were optimized for 3d work and game dev, they ran their own OS a little slowly)

I got pouted at for mentioning this. The guy who’d voted for the Indigo2 laughed, “I told you we should have used the faster computer!”

Aside from the speed issues, I really liked Irix and enjoyed the tutorial.

After about fifteen non-disastrous minutes, the lady who had been so nervous finally calmed down and agreed to give the new computers a chance.

A few people wanted me to come back and learn more about about these machines, but that was not to be. All this happened about a week or two before the day Mom first saw Myst.

Although Myst no longer holds positive associations for either Mom or me, this particular memory is still a fun one, if a tad bittersweet by context.

That day stuck in my memory for YEARS. I would have loved to have kept training. However, that was going to come to an end sooner or later. I was a really little kid; once I started going to school, there would be no guarantee I could come back even if Dad's health had been better.

I kept looking for machines like the Indy and being kind of sad that I never came across another. Even the case and to some extent, the peripherals felt so different from most other computers.

Of course, as an adult I now know why; that was a truly rare experience. Mind you, the memory itself is a treasure.

Finding out that the Indy was also used to make some of my favorite games was also pretty nifty. It turns out the Indy was essential for creating many games made for pcs, PlayStation, and the Nintendo64.

An Indigo2 workstation (image courtesy of Wikipedia) - This is pretty close to how the Indigo2 and Indys were set up in the lab! :)

And here is an SGI Indy! 

Giving Thanks for God's Found Family

Our thanksgiving celebration was a pleasant but quiet one.

I tried something new. I made cranberry sauce, which came out quite nice. Homemade sauce tends to be more intense than what you get from the store. It has a greater depth of flavor and the only remotely dubious ingredient would be the cane sugar!

We also made a pleasant discovery. Gluhwein Winternacht wine improves if it sits undisturbed for a year. It is pretty nice the first year, but give it a second year and it sweetens and mellows out. It will be a bit stronger so watch out for that.

We cooked the turkey our favorite way. We stuffed it with onions and apples, covered it, and roasted it. They do a great job of keeping turkey moist and impart a lovely flavor and aroma.

On the other hand, we also got a few reminders that “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Last night, I felt the urge to look the saying about blood and water.

No one is entirely sure where it came from, but it appears to date back to medieval times and seems to be inspired by Scripture and an old German adage.

The adage was about the importance of family, while the scriptural passage is about being a part of Jesus' family.

Let's read Matthew 12:46 – 50.

46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.
47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”

49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers.

50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Jesus explained part of what following Him means. Jesus made a found family; that's actually what Christianity is! He has some blood kin in there, like His mother and God the Father, but he also counts the apostles and anyone else following Him as His brothers and sisters. The thing is, as Christians, we are also siblings to each other too.

It sounds obvious, but it bears repeating.

That shy guy down the street who's more comfortable with cats than humans? If he's God's man, then he's your brother. That one kid who loves anime more than you do? If she's chosen God, then she's your sister. The poor family who has trouble making ends meet? If they chose God, then they're still your brothers and sisters.

The question is what makes family? Most would say love… and they'd be at least partially right. Going by the context the verse above was in, I'd say commitment is a big part of it too. Going by the context of verse above, it sounds as though the Jesus' genetic siblings turned on Him for being “controversial” and “not getting along” with the authorities when they told Him to stop preaching and stop helping people in God's name. Translation: His genetic kindred denounced Him when the going got tough.

John19:26 - 27 describes an interesting event at the Crucifixion. Jesus entrusts His mother to the apostle John. It doesn't come through in English, but according to the theologians I found, He used covenant language in that verse.

John 19:26-27 New International Version (NIV)

26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,[a] here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
Footnotes:

1. John 19:26 The Greek for Woman does not denote any disrespect.

It matters because Israel has a long history of covenants joining people for life. Many of you probably already know about David and Jonathan. (David's family life wasn't great either) This page has some interesting points about Jewish covenants - http://www.bac2torah.com/covenant-Print.htm

God is not shy about making a covenants, and He always follows through. If you've chosen Him, He says you're family. As long as you choose Him, He chooses you.

So, the next question: What is love?

Thankfully, God's given us a nice comprehensive checklist in the form of 1 Corinthians 13. Let's read it.

1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 f I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Footnotes:

1. 1 Corinthians 13:1 Or languages
2. 1 Corinthians 13:3 Some manuscripts body to the flames

Above is a list that will tell you if someone loves you or you love someone else. The above scripture also gives us a pretty decent outline of who God is as a person.

The love we are called to is not mushy gooey thing. It is not a marshmallow feeling. It is not fickle emotion. Love is a set of decisions, actions, and principles all rolled into one concept. It takes discipline and strength to maintain, more than any human can hope to muster on their own. Thankfully God helps us to love as we should, if we ask Him. He knows all about love because He is Love. This is how we're supposed to emulate Jesus.

Many of you have a genetic family member or three in your life who do not try to love.

They may lie about you (Love does not dishonor others),

set you up for trouble (Love always protects, Love is kind),

decide that you don't matter and tell anyone who will listen as much (Love does not dishonor others),

be offended that you don't fit their preconceived prejudices(Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered),

rob you (Love is not self-seeking),

seek your harm (Love always protects, Love is kind),

and/or don't tell you that “deserve” to be treated as a human being (Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered).

These people may be an embarrassing mention on your pedigree, but they do not act like family if they do not love you. DNA alone does not a family make.

Thankfully, you're not alone. Jesus knows and understands. If you're His, you have another family.

By that same token, if we follow these rules and ask God to help us, we can love the people around us so much more than we can alone. Humanity gets better when we choose to love God's way.

Bible passages taken from the NIV Bible at BibleGateway

Final Fantasy 12 thoughts

I finished Final Fantasy 12 sometime back. What a journey! I loved the story. It’s subtle and rich in details, but the details are easy to miss if you do not pay attention to both the in-game hunter’s log and to the NPCs’ speeches.

The use of psychological principles here was surprisingly believable. Each of the characters had several reasons for his or her actions. Basch, for example, is a military man who has developed a strong dislike of war. Even Vaan, who was not initially planned in, had

However, the one character that fell flat in this respect was one who really needed exposition to be effective: Vayne. On one level he is as detailed as the others are. There was clearly a Machiavelli or two to his Medici (Cid, maybe Bergan and Ghis too?) but there are a few crucial bits missing from his role. Since his actions directly impacted all of the main characters, his involvement in the story was personal. However, his involvement did not feel as personal as his role should have made it. Consequently, this leaves a few questions that were generally addressed (however simply) in most of the previous Final Fantasy games. For example, Zemus (FF4) was possessed and wanted to take the planet his people found by force, Kefka(FF6) was bitter over being removed from his post as general, Kuja(FF9) wanted to validate his existence and make himself irreplaceable, Sephiroth(FF7) blamed Shinra and Cloud for his troubles, and Seymour(FF10) thought that destroying Spira would save its inhabitants. Sure, they are all insane to varying degrees, but in every case, their reasons and goals are clear, their impact made harsh and devastating by how personally involved with the heroes they were. Kuja openly resented Zidane (who was meant to replace Kuja), Sephiroth made it his life’s mission to torment Cloud, Kefka was motivated by bitterness and a desire to control, and Seymour both desired and hated Yuna. Only Emperor Palamecia(FF2) and Garland (FF1) had fewer apparent reasons for their villainy than Vayne did. Vayne’s reasons for his goal are unclear and he did not do his own dirty work (only turning up to gloat early on). Why was he fixated on Dalmasca and Raithwall’s descendants? Did he fall in love with the land and its legends? He clearly saw in them a path to greater power and glory; he saw himself as the next Raithwall. Did he identify with Raithwall? Why exactly did he hate his father so much? There were hints but very few confirmed facts. There are so many maybes!

Unfortunately, the pacing of leveling up interrupts the flow of the storyline. This rpg requires the player to spend a long time leveling up. However, it’s possible to beat that problem. Try developing your characters by visiting more advanced areas as early as possible. Save often to minimize frustration. You gain two benefits this way; not only does leveling up go a lot more quickly, you can find better equipment, for free, early.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day - 2016 by Rebehm on DeviantArt

Sailor Moon Crystal: Where to Watch + Mini Review

The first episode is finally up! :D

You can check it out at the following hosts!

NicoNico - http://ch.nicovideo.jp/sailormoon_English

CrunchyRoll - http://www.crunchyroll.com/sailor-moon-crystal

Hulu – http://www.hulu.com/sailor-moon-crystal

Kotaku’s article on reactions to this first episode was fun to read, too. - http://kotaku.com/the-internet-reacts-to-sailor-moon-crystal-1601014716

Review:

So far it seems to be faithful to the original manga. It’s also atmospheric, more so in some places than others. It beautifully underscores the difference between Usagi’s everyday life and her duties as Sailor Moon.

The character’s expressions are mostly a lot more nuanced, but are not as extreme as they were in the previous anime. (except for poor Umino – he still came out very cartoonish)
Some folks were not quite as happy about that, but I think that the more restrained expressions of emotion fit the setting better than the much more over-the-top mannerisms of the 1992 anime (though those were a lot of fun to watch). Usagi in particular is a bit more believable – she has flaws but she also has virtues. She isn’t merely a vehicle for humor.

Although the new show does take several cues from the previous anime, it has a more complex ambiance. In addition to the humor, there is also wonder and menace contrasting with the usual cadence of Usagi’s everyday life.  

=========================
I am still developing the next part of "My Side of the Story".

My Side of the Story - Part 1

There’s been far too many rumors flying around, so here’s my take on the situation. The problems are pretty hinky and seem as tangled as Gordian’s knot, but there are two common threads running through the labyrinth that we can follow. They are two groups of people who’ve unjustly hunted my family. One is a vicious and unusually tenacious rumor mill, the other is a group of people from a particular fandom. No, I won’t name the fandom, because its bad behavior was kicked off by one ugly sub-group that took over and even recruited a few people who at one time had connections within associated company(s). If they straighten out, I’d like their names to not be blackened beyond cleansing. (their own behavior brings them shame already, outside their group. If they start treating people better, then the bad rep will fade on its own)

I’m not going to say where the neighborhood in question is, because all who need to know about it already do, and, again, if they truly change for the better, I’d sleep easier knowing that I didn’t set them up for more shame later. 

I just hope withholding the names isn’t a mistake; it has seemed like our usual restraint has been used against us at times… Well, I guess it’s down to them to prove that courtesy isn’t wasted.

Here’s my side of the story. 

The thing is, I know full well that neither I nor my family has earned the hatred leveled at us.

For us, the trouble began over forty years ago, with an attempted theft and an honorable officer doing his job on a base. That night, my grandfather, the officer of the watch, stopped an unaccounted-for truck at the gates. When he looked inside, he found thousands of dollars’ worth of parts and equipment. A quick check revealed that it was all stuff that belonged to the government and was supposed to still be on base.

He had reason to believe that some people who’d talked him into moving to a particular backwater neighborhood might be involved, but he chose to let that part go since the investigators didn’t catch that detail and no harm seemed to have been done. His proof was circumstantial and he didn’t want to ruin anyone’s life. He couldn't believe they would be hardened criminals, given that several members were 'respectable' leaders in a nearby church. Unfortunately, the thieves were not as decent as he was. Instead of being ashamed of their behavior, the would-be thieves used their connections to slander him in the neighborhood and even lied about him to his superiors during a routine check-up. It didn’t work, thankfully. Grandfather had a clean record everywhere he’d been and his commanding officers alerted him to the slander. He couldn’t believe his own ‘friends’ would do this to him.  He spoke to them about the slander and he thought they made peace with him. Well, he had let it go, and had been given cause to think they would stop. They didn’t.

Ever since then, the families of the would-be thieves lied about every member of his family, including his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and anyone who married in. Over time, a vicious rumor mill established, hunting us for “revenge” and entertainment. This rumor mill hunted me and my parents. My Dad was beaten up repeatedly “just ‘cause” and verbally abused in public school and outside it. It got so bad that he had to finish at a Protestant Christian academy. (His family was not Protestant)

My aunt was also slandered, threatened, sexually harassed, and physically attacked because of lies the local harridans told about her. Unsurprisingly, she moved away as soon as she could and it looks like a few cousins have since done the same, for exactly the same reasons.  

I was threatened and hurt by kids I didn’t even know as a 1^st and 2^nd grader in the local elementary school. I kept coming home bruised and crying. Mom and Dad home-schooled me as a safety measure. Many times, I’ve had cause to be grateful that they watched my back, even in our own yard.

This rural neighborhood has managed to be as vicious as any urban area I’ve ever heard of. Many times, someone tried to force their way into the house at night. There was even ‘random’ gunfire (conveniently when my brother and I were outside) from careless hunters (or were they?) some years. A visitor was nearly killed by it. The extremes of people continually trying to run cars off the roads and shooting across yards has stopped, especially once law enforcement started looking into it, but the ugly slander is still a huge problem.

It was still very much an issue in my last semester at community college. I was harassed taking tests. I was pointed at and made fun of, and all by people I’ve never known in my life. There were people trying to catch me off by myself, acting like they intended me harm. One man (who had no reason to be there) was running around with a folder pointing me and my parents out to people in the employ of the college even, and didn’t even hide it until my parents reported him to the right authorities. The thing is, whatever “evidence” he thought he had is completely bogus; we’ve never harmed anyone. Not me, not Dad, not Mom, not my brother, nor anyone else. We do defend ourselves (nonviolently, for preference), and we obey the law.

Over the years, the sons and daughters (and grandkids) of the thieves followed their parents’ example and focused on blaming Dad for every bad thing someone else did, even when they KNEW for a fact he was not responsible. There were people accusing him of murders that took place when he was living hundreds miles away at the time... or was even in the ICU of a hospital. The local gossips never mention any of the many times Dad risked his life to save someone else’s life, or any of the times he was generous to someone having a horrible time, or about his efforts to be a truly good neighbor. (The only time he has seen his own standard of neighborlyness right back was in Texas, hundreds of miles away from here! That is somewhere where having a good neighbor could literally save your life). There a few times when a neighbor would say that she needed Dad’s help with something, only to set him up for harm. He may be intense, but he’s kind and wants to do people good. 

I know he’s sometimes shouted at people in public – that usually happens after someone outside home has abused him yet again, slandering him in public, or acted threatening on the roads. 

People have told me we “deserved” this abuse, because the rumor mill decided to accuse Dad of every crime they could. So, basically, the argument for abusing us now is that we've been falsely accused for so long and for so many things... crimes neither my Dad nor any of us ever committed? Sounds legit! NOT!  

It gets better - The rumors used to encourage the abuse are very inconsistent. In addition to the false accusations of crimes, there were vicious people saying literally anything they could think of to turn people against us. Several claimed that we were libertines (to conservatives) or that we were narrow-minded puritans (to liberals). Since we are actually moderates, it is way too easy for the more prejudiced of both extremes to regard us as ‘the other’ and to misrepresent us anyway. Some accusations were of racist hatred (to minorities) to an insistence that we were enamored of other races (to white supremacists). When a neighbor my Dad barely knew but liked went missing nearly thirty years ago, it was one more thing our persecutors used to drag our names through the mud and abuse us over. (We heard they also bullied several other families for that one.) It didn’t help that one family member has a habit of badmouthing her own relations to whomever anyway, and has even parroted slander she heard about her own kin – even stuff she had to have known wasn’t true… and the ugly little rumor mill capitalized on her inner demons and quirks.

Unsurprisingly, when people we’d begun to befriend were approached with the slander, most fled. People who are just sounding you out are particularly susceptible to believing rubbish spouted by someone who claims to be ‘warning’ them. Many people refuse to approach or tolerate the targets of such abuse even when they KNOW the victims didn’t deserve it, because they fear that they will also be targeted by the same evil. No need to get judgmental. If a friend or family member started to befriend someone and you knew they could get hurt because of the enemies of that person, wouldn’t you advise them to steer clear? It takes real courage to stick by someone you know is being bullied. There’s reason for that avoidance; bullies have no problem adding to their hate list when they’re not confronted with serious consequences. Over time, bullies tend to get worse, and may commit worse crimes if they feel they have society’s permission. This is one reason why bullying needs to be dealt with; not stopping people from victimizing others sets a pattern of abuse that the bully feels is socially sanctioned. He or she will feel safe continuing to abuse other people. Standing up to bullying is an issue of true equality and of justice, but most prefer to keep their lives peaceful by placating them or by avoiding them (and their victims.)

Until fairly recently, this place was never too concerned about justice; you just DON’T want to know how long it took for most people to feel safe here, especially minorities. I still don’t feel comfortable inviting any friends over; I’ve yet to see most of the neighbors treat anybody who isn’t white, rich, and/or from one of their cliques with ANY respect.

Basically, when these people invited Grandfather into the neighborhood, he'd been given reason to think he fit in okay – the dysfunctionality is not immediately apparent, and those who approached him had downplayed the cultural differences (He'd considered Mormonism, and its really obvious there's an ethnic side to the family, but he had no idea they would be so ugly about ethnic/religious differences), and he’d been living in saner places before he came to this neighborhood. It sounded like he had more in common culturally with these people than he really did. He figured that if there were any differences that he and his family could ride it out, because they already had successfully in other parts of the world. He’d been living in places that distrusted Americans at the time and, despite serious cultural differences, had gotten along well with his neighbors. The same is true of Dad. Dad had spent his earliest years in Japan. His family was on good terms with the neighbors there and he spent a lot of time with them. Unsurprisingly, the culture there shaped how he still views the world.

Consequently, they were not prepared for was the nearly upended moral code present in this backward community descended largely from smugglers, plantation owners/workers, and pirates. That’s not hyperbole. Some of the families we know were involved with the harassment are said to be the descendants to wreckers (That’s land-based piracy - wreckers lured ships into wrecking and plundered the survivors and the ship’s remains.)

Here, devotion to the designated leaders is prized above justice. Social ambition and appearances are given priority over the truth and basic fairness. Leaders are chosen by their connections to the previous leaders and their ability to summon followers, usable as a mob. Obviously, anyone lacking their own pack of flying monkeys is going to be at a disadvantage. Honor does not seem to exist here. Certainly there are some decent people, but they aren’t setting the tone. Pride, arrogance, and boasting are valued above humility, gentleness, and generosity. Gratitude is considered weakness, subordination. Kindness is taken as tribute proclaiming the other person as a superior. Manners are seen as flirting. Dignity is viewed as snobbery. They seem to think mentions of virtue are some kind of code language for other things. How else to explain calling their bad-tempered generous, or the unkind as wonderful? People we’ve seen making a steady practice of acting evil are called good and even given awards… and none of them even blinks at it.

Such an immoral climate is a marvelous hothouse for unrelenting, crippling rumor mills. I know that these horrible people do read my blog. If my description offends one of you, then why don’t you prove me wrong? Show me that you care for the poor and vulnerable instead of treading them underfoot (and not just your favorites and/or relations). Prove to me that you have enough honor and decency to not attack those you think are below you! Show that you can be better than what you’ve demonstrated to me so far! 

In short, the (at times) nearly constant societal abuse has been a highly restrictive feature of my life for as far back as I can remember. Keep them in mind, for their part of the story isn’t over.