My Side of the Story - Part 1

There’s been far too many rumors flying around, so here’s my take on the situation. The problems are pretty hinky and seem as tangled as Gordian’s knot, but there are two common threads running through the labyrinth that we can follow. They are two groups of people who’ve unjustly hunted my family. One is a vicious and unusually tenacious rumor mill, the other is a group of people from a particular fandom. No, I won’t name the fandom, because its bad behavior was kicked off by one ugly sub-group that took over and even recruited a few people who at one time had connections within associated company(s). If they straighten out, I’d like their names to not be blackened beyond cleansing. (their own behavior brings them shame already, outside their group. If they start treating people better, then the bad rep will fade on its own)

I’m not going to say where the neighborhood in question is, because all who need to know about it already do, and, again, if they truly change for the better, I’d sleep easier knowing that I didn’t set them up for more shame later. 

I just hope withholding the names isn’t a mistake; it has seemed like our usual restraint has been used against us at times… Well, I guess it’s down to them to prove that courtesy isn’t wasted.

Here’s my side of the story. 

The thing is, I know full well that neither I nor my family has earned the hatred leveled at us.

For us, the trouble began over forty years ago, with an attempted theft and an honorable officer doing his job on a base. That night, my grandfather, the officer of the watch, stopped an unaccounted-for truck at the gates. When he looked inside, he found thousands of dollars’ worth of parts and equipment. A quick check revealed that it was all stuff that belonged to the government and was supposed to still be on base.

He had reason to believe that some people who’d talked him into moving to a particular backwater neighborhood might be involved, but he chose to let that part go since the investigators didn’t catch that detail and no harm seemed to have been done. His proof was circumstantial and he didn’t want to ruin anyone’s life. He couldn't believe they would be hardened criminals, given that several members were 'respectable' leaders in a nearby church. Unfortunately, the thieves were not as decent as he was. Instead of being ashamed of their behavior, the would-be thieves used their connections to slander him in the neighborhood and even lied about him to his superiors during a routine check-up. It didn’t work, thankfully. Grandfather had a clean record everywhere he’d been and his commanding officers alerted him to the slander. He couldn’t believe his own ‘friends’ would do this to him.  He spoke to them about the slander and he thought they made peace with him. Well, he had let it go, and had been given cause to think they would stop. They didn’t.

Ever since then, the families of the would-be thieves lied about every member of his family, including his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and anyone who married in. Over time, a vicious rumor mill established, hunting us for “revenge” and entertainment. This rumor mill hunted me and my parents. My Dad was beaten up repeatedly “just ‘cause” and verbally abused in public school and outside it. It got so bad that he had to finish at a Protestant Christian academy. (His family was not Protestant)

My aunt was also slandered, threatened, sexually harassed, and physically attacked because of lies the local harridans told about her. Unsurprisingly, she moved away as soon as she could and it looks like a few cousins have since done the same, for exactly the same reasons.  

I was threatened and hurt by kids I didn’t even know as a 1^st and 2^nd grader in the local elementary school. I kept coming home bruised and crying. Mom and Dad home-schooled me as a safety measure. Many times, I’ve had cause to be grateful that they watched my back, even in our own yard.

This rural neighborhood has managed to be as vicious as any urban area I’ve ever heard of. Many times, someone tried to force their way into the house at night. There was even ‘random’ gunfire (conveniently when my brother and I were outside) from careless hunters (or were they?) some years. A visitor was nearly killed by it. The extremes of people continually trying to run cars off the roads and shooting across yards has stopped, especially once law enforcement started looking into it, but the ugly slander is still a huge problem.

It was still very much an issue in my last semester at community college. I was harassed taking tests. I was pointed at and made fun of, and all by people I’ve never known in my life. There were people trying to catch me off by myself, acting like they intended me harm. One man (who had no reason to be there) was running around with a folder pointing me and my parents out to people in the employ of the college even, and didn’t even hide it until my parents reported him to the right authorities. The thing is, whatever “evidence” he thought he had is completely bogus; we’ve never harmed anyone. Not me, not Dad, not Mom, not my brother, nor anyone else. We do defend ourselves (nonviolently, for preference), and we obey the law.

Over the years, the sons and daughters (and grandkids) of the thieves followed their parents’ example and focused on blaming Dad for every bad thing someone else did, even when they KNEW for a fact he was not responsible. There were people accusing him of murders that took place when he was living hundreds miles away at the time... or was even in the ICU of a hospital. The local gossips never mention any of the many times Dad risked his life to save someone else’s life, or any of the times he was generous to someone having a horrible time, or about his efforts to be a truly good neighbor. (The only time he has seen his own standard of neighborlyness right back was in Texas, hundreds of miles away from here! That is somewhere where having a good neighbor could literally save your life). There a few times when a neighbor would say that she needed Dad’s help with something, only to set him up for harm. He may be intense, but he’s kind and wants to do people good. 

I know he’s sometimes shouted at people in public – that usually happens after someone outside home has abused him yet again, slandering him in public, or acted threatening on the roads. 

People have told me we “deserved” this abuse, because the rumor mill decided to accuse Dad of every crime they could. So, basically, the argument for abusing us now is that we've been falsely accused for so long and for so many things... crimes neither my Dad nor any of us ever committed? Sounds legit! NOT!  

It gets better - The rumors used to encourage the abuse are very inconsistent. In addition to the false accusations of crimes, there were vicious people saying literally anything they could think of to turn people against us. Several claimed that we were libertines (to conservatives) or that we were narrow-minded puritans (to liberals). Since we are actually moderates, it is way too easy for the more prejudiced of both extremes to regard us as ‘the other’ and to misrepresent us anyway. Some accusations were of racist hatred (to minorities) to an insistence that we were enamored of other races (to white supremacists). When a neighbor my Dad barely knew but liked went missing nearly thirty years ago, it was one more thing our persecutors used to drag our names through the mud and abuse us over. (We heard they also bullied several other families for that one.) It didn’t help that one family member has a habit of badmouthing her own relations to whomever anyway, and has even parroted slander she heard about her own kin – even stuff she had to have known wasn’t true… and the ugly little rumor mill capitalized on her inner demons and quirks.

Unsurprisingly, when people we’d begun to befriend were approached with the slander, most fled. People who are just sounding you out are particularly susceptible to believing rubbish spouted by someone who claims to be ‘warning’ them. Many people refuse to approach or tolerate the targets of such abuse even when they KNOW the victims didn’t deserve it, because they fear that they will also be targeted by the same evil. No need to get judgmental. If a friend or family member started to befriend someone and you knew they could get hurt because of the enemies of that person, wouldn’t you advise them to steer clear? It takes real courage to stick by someone you know is being bullied. There’s reason for that avoidance; bullies have no problem adding to their hate list when they’re not confronted with serious consequences. Over time, bullies tend to get worse, and may commit worse crimes if they feel they have society’s permission. This is one reason why bullying needs to be dealt with; not stopping people from victimizing others sets a pattern of abuse that the bully feels is socially sanctioned. He or she will feel safe continuing to abuse other people. Standing up to bullying is an issue of true equality and of justice, but most prefer to keep their lives peaceful by placating them or by avoiding them (and their victims.)

Until fairly recently, this place was never too concerned about justice; you just DON’T want to know how long it took for most people to feel safe here, especially minorities. I still don’t feel comfortable inviting any friends over; I’ve yet to see most of the neighbors treat anybody who isn’t white, rich, and/or from one of their cliques with ANY respect.

Basically, when these people invited Grandfather into the neighborhood, he'd been given reason to think he fit in okay – the dysfunctionality is not immediately apparent, and those who approached him had downplayed the cultural differences (He'd considered Mormonism, and its really obvious there's an ethnic side to the family, but he had no idea they would be so ugly about ethnic/religious differences), and he’d been living in saner places before he came to this neighborhood. It sounded like he had more in common culturally with these people than he really did. He figured that if there were any differences that he and his family could ride it out, because they already had successfully in other parts of the world. He’d been living in places that distrusted Americans at the time and, despite serious cultural differences, had gotten along well with his neighbors. The same is true of Dad. Dad had spent his earliest years in Japan. His family was on good terms with the neighbors there and he spent a lot of time with them. Unsurprisingly, the culture there shaped how he still views the world.

Consequently, they were not prepared for was the nearly upended moral code present in this backward community descended largely from smugglers, plantation owners/workers, and pirates. That’s not hyperbole. Some of the families we know were involved with the harassment are said to be the descendants to wreckers (That’s land-based piracy - wreckers lured ships into wrecking and plundered the survivors and the ship’s remains.)

Here, devotion to the designated leaders is prized above justice. Social ambition and appearances are given priority over the truth and basic fairness. Leaders are chosen by their connections to the previous leaders and their ability to summon followers, usable as a mob. Obviously, anyone lacking their own pack of flying monkeys is going to be at a disadvantage. Honor does not seem to exist here. Certainly there are some decent people, but they aren’t setting the tone. Pride, arrogance, and boasting are valued above humility, gentleness, and generosity. Gratitude is considered weakness, subordination. Kindness is taken as tribute proclaiming the other person as a superior. Manners are seen as flirting. Dignity is viewed as snobbery. They seem to think mentions of virtue are some kind of code language for other things. How else to explain calling their bad-tempered generous, or the unkind as wonderful? People we’ve seen making a steady practice of acting evil are called good and even given awards… and none of them even blinks at it.

Such an immoral climate is a marvelous hothouse for unrelenting, crippling rumor mills. I know that these horrible people do read my blog. If my description offends one of you, then why don’t you prove me wrong? Show me that you care for the poor and vulnerable instead of treading them underfoot (and not just your favorites and/or relations). Prove to me that you have enough honor and decency to not attack those you think are below you! Show that you can be better than what you’ve demonstrated to me so far! 

In short, the (at times) nearly constant societal abuse has been a highly restrictive feature of my life for as far back as I can remember. Keep them in mind, for their part of the story isn’t over.